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On Thursday, August 21, 2003, at 2:45pm, my wife of 34 years, Rebecca, died in my arms in an emergency room.

The last words we spoke were in perfect synchronization: "I love you with all my heart."

 

 

Soul Survivors Secrets

some things you're really not supposed to know

 

this page was started March 18, 2008

it was private for a long time

updated May, 2012

 

Sunday, January 15, 2017

Richard Ingui died on Friday, January 13, 2017.

I send my sincere condolences to the Ingui family and their friends.

 

I received three webpages in an email.  They are a complete newspaper article, written on January 2, 1991

The article is about half a page long.  The advertisements are about two and a half pages.

The author, Mr. Joe Logan, is a staff writer for the Philadelphia Inquirer.  He writes very well.

If you want to see the original webpages, this is the zipfile

 

There are some factual errors in the article, which I will rebut and comment below.  I only rebut part of the article.  The rest was deleted.

 

To keep things clear:

 

Mr. Logan's text is MAROON  

Richard and Charlie Ingui's text is RED

My rebuttal and comments are BLUE

 

Anything ITALIC, UNDERLINED, BOLD, or HIGHLIGHTED was done by me. 

It's not part of the original article.

The video links referred to below are on YouTube.

FAIRYTALE is a polite word for BULLSHIT.

Still Surviving

Fame Was Fleeting For Charlie And Richie Ingui, Who Hit It Big In 1967 With "Expressway To Your Heart."
But The South Jersey Brothers Known As The Soul Survivors Are Driving For A Comeback.


January 02, 1991|By Joe Logan, Inquirer Staff Writer

 

Have you ever heard "Drivin' My Life Away"? 

It's by Eddie Rabbitt, Billboard #1 (Country), Billboard #5 (Top 100), certified gold record.  It's a great song.


"We want to get some chart action to get us back into the mainstream," says Charlie Ingui.

"We want to get back to touring, back on the road. With a record, we can do that."

 

It looks like what they WANT isn't what they GOT.

It looks like they're not going to GET it, either. 

Look at a calendar.  What year is it?

 

Have you ever heard "On The Road Again"? 

It's by Willie Nelson, Billboard #1 (Country), Billboard #20 (Top 100), Grammy award.  It's a great song.

 

And so, more than 23 years after they hit the big time with their smash ''Expressway to Your Heart," the Soul Survivors - brothers Charlie and Richie Ingui - are struggling to make a comeback.

 

Mr. Logan's article was originally written in 1991, but I don't know when it went online.

We could check back again in 2011.  What's 20, 30, or 40 years?  Or 50 or 60? 

 

The "struggle" has been going on since "Expressway".  We're talking about decades, and the "struggle" isn't over.

They've been slamming their heads against a wall since 1967

 

Sooner or later the wall HAS to cave in.  Doesn't it?

 

Richard and Charlie have been chronic losers for 41 years But their next hit record is right around the corner!  Right?  Right!

 

Have you ever heard "The Gambler"? 

It's by Kenny Rogers, Billboard #1 (Country), Billboard #16 (Top 100), Grammy award.  It's a great song.

Some of the words are: "You got to know when to hold 'em - know when to fold 'em.  Know when to walk away - know when to run."

 

It looks like the Inguis haven't figured any of that out yet.

I predict when the Soul Survivors make a "comeback", there won't be any "BACK" to "COME" to.

 

[some original text deleted]


Now residents of Medford, Richie, 43, a house painter with a wife and two children, and Charlie, 47, an occasional landscaper, would love to return to the music business full time.

 

So would about 15 MILLION other singers, musicians, and bands.

 

Being "a house painter" and "an occasional landscaper" sure sounds like a lot of fun.

 

But what makes them think it will happen?

 

It could be stupidity, paint fumes, a magic landscape tool, or maybe they believe in FAIRYTALES.

 

They've tried and failed before - several times, in fact.

 

That should tell the author, Mr. Logan, quite a bit about the Soul Survivors.

 

Have you ever heard "Eastbound And Down"?

It's by Jerry Reed, Billboard #2 (Country).  It's a great song.

Some of the words are: "We got a LONG WAY TO GO - and a SHORT TIME TO GET THERE".

 
"We know we can do it," says Charlie.

 

And WE know they've proven they can't.

 

"We never really peaked, and our music never really peaked," says Richie.

 

The Inguis must have a grossly inflated delusion of their "peak" value in the music world.

 

Maybe it's "aging", like fine wine.  For example, Mad Dog 20/20 - about $4.29 - the favorite of all winos!

James Bond - Secret Agent 007 - was fixated on 1947 Chateau Mouton-Rothschild.  Obviously, fine wine must be a good thing. 

Surely, James Bond wouldn't jive us.

 

''We've continued to write songs and we have a wealth of contemporary stuff."

 

Welcome to another Ingui FAIRYTALE.  We have a little discrepancy here.  Richard and Charlie claim they "write songs". 

 

They don't play instruments

 

Can they write lyrics and some melodies?  Yes, of course - anybody can do that.  But what about the music? 

Somebody has to co-write with them - somebody has to come up with the chord progression - which is the foundation of every song

 

I've received emails - from musicians - stating they wrote the chords for the Inguis on several songs.  Then Richard and Charlie claimed 100% writer credit.

That's a hell of a way to treat somebody that's trying to help you get ahead.  That's a hell of a way to USE people.

I'd approach it much differently - ONLY with a telephone. 

$5,000.00 per hour - cash.  Up front.

I'd write the chord foundations for their "wealth of contemporary stuff"

I'm such a nice guy, I'd even arrange, AND write creative bridges, intros, and turns. 

AND - they could keep their "100% writer credit", too! (Nothin From Nothin Leaves Nothin - thank you, Billy)

I don't believe the Inguis have ever "written" anything marketable. 

I don't believe the Inguis have ever "written" anything THEMSELVES, without the HELP of a playing musician.

 

IKE TURNER

IKE TURNER was HATED and DESPISED, ripped apart by the whole world, because of the movie "What's Love Got To Do With It?". 

It's still going on today, all over the internet.  GO LOOK - see for yourself.  For years, he couldn't work if he crawled and begged for it.

 

In 2000, I was playing at a very large blues festival - one of the largest in the country.  I'd been playing there each year, since 1995

(It's a three (3) day event - Friday thru Sunday.  The headliner closes on Sunday night.  It typically sells about 10,000 tickets each day.)

 

I got into a really rough argument with a promoter for the festival.

 

I wanted to get Ike booked for 2001 - and there was plenty of time to negotiate and formalize contracts. 

This wasn't any "last minute" type thing.  The arguments started almost one (1) YEAR before the "final lineup" had to be announced, advertised, promoted, and all the publicity bullshit that goes with it.   

Me: "Man - LISTEN!  You've got to get the Ike Turner Revue on this stage.  The crowd will go absolutely wild.  I GUARANTEE that! 

Nobody's ever seen anything like it before.  I've known Ike since 1969, and we talk pretty regularly. 

I can call him tonight, and I'll set up all the details myself, if you want me to?  You really gotta do this!"

 

His response: "You're sick.  I'll go fucking broke.  There isn't a woman in Florida who will pay to see that wife beating son of a bitch. 

Forget it."

This was when Jeanette was singing and fronting Ike's 13 piece group.  I doubt there was EVER a 13 piece group at that venue. 

That by itself, would have undeniably blown EVERYBODY'S minds - a 10 piece band with 3 sexy, female (barely dressed) singers?

For a long time, I argued with him.  I argued with him every chance I got, and then I argued some more. 

I was looking for arguments with this Goddamn asshole.  After awhile - a long while - he got the Goddamn idea.  He finally gave in.

 

LET ME BE ABSOLUTELY CLEAR ABOUT SOMETHING: there was nothing financial in this for me - NOTHING

I wanted Ike - my longtime friend - to play a BIG blues festival in Florida.  I wanted Ike - my longtime friend - to get exposure in the Southeastern marketplace, and maybe get more quality work.  I wanted to help Ike - my longtime friend - to get back up on his feet, and do what he always did better than the best - unbelievable LIVE shows with an unbelievable group. 

 

I didn't WANT any money - and I POSITIVELY would have refused - and been HIGHLY offended - if Ike offered. 

I also probably would have slapped him upside his head (gently, of course) if he even mentioned it. 

For me, this wasn't about MONEY - it was about longtime friendship - love and respect.

 

Go READ my Ike Turner pages when you have time.

 

I called Ike, several times, and we talked about this - especially about the bullshit I was getting from the promoter. 

Ike said, "Give him my cell number."  That's exactly what I did.  

Then he called Ike 15 minutes later.  They worked out the details.  Ike and Jeanette called me later that night to thank me.

He signed Ike's contract as the headliner for 2002.

 

That blues festival was ABSOLUTELY OVERFLOWING

Over 16,000 paid admissions for one day

They couldn't sell more tickets if they wanted to - the Fire Department would have actually closed them down

IKE TURNER COMPLETELY SOLD OUT THE VENUE

Just exactly like I KNEW he would

 

Ike came back from worse than nothing.  When he was LUCKY, he slept on people's FLOORS, or COUCHES.  Sometimes he slept in Goddamn CARS.  He sold everything he could sell - even his "great friend" - Phil Spector - fucked him out of over $30,000.00. 

 

PLENTY OF PEOPLE KNOW THIS, it's no secret

 

Ike went through drug rehab repeatedly.  He cleaned up for a while.  On December 12, 2007 Ike died: COCAINE TOXICITY, emphysema, and high blood pressure.  He just couldn't leave that shit alone.

 

I've loved and respected Ike since 1969, but Ike broke my heart .... because of fucking COCAINE.

 

Ike WON TWO GRAMMYS and was NOMINATED for THREE OTHERS.

He and Tina were inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 1991

In 2001, he was inducted into the St. Louis Walk of Fame.

Ike MADE his comeback.  The Inguis might dream about it - but I don't think it'll ever happen.

 

[some original text deleted]


"I still want the acceptance you get on stage," says Charlie.

 

May, 2012 UPDATE

another email arrived - with a video

 

The Soul Survivors are well on their way to an amazing "comeback"!

Watch this spectacular 1999 LIVE Soul Survivors video

(or download soulsurvivors.zip - it's in .flv (Flash) format - it's so spectacular, YouTube removed it)

 

"Acceptance"?  You GOT your "acceptance" - just watch the video linked above. 

What a CROWD!  There might be almost 50 people there - families, neighbors, kids under 12 years old - plus Alfonso, from the pizza place!

(Alfonso left in about 2 minutes - he had to go make pizza deliveries.)

 

My neighbor's band drew bigger crowds - when they rehearsed in his garage.  

 

Charlie and Richard are repeatedly singing out-of-key.  There's no question - they've deteriorated acutely since 1969

But - don't overlook their heart-stopping, thrilling, breathtaking boxing, karate, and martial arts moves - that's known as REAL "showmanship"! 

For all I know, they might be having "soul seizures".  Maybe that explains it.

They could change the name of their "band" to "The Soul Seizures" - undeniably a great idea.

 

Don't miss Charlie falling on his knees

Baby, that's when the SOUL REALLY KICKED IN

It just knocked him to his Goddamn knees!

 

The Soul Survivors "band" is a COMEDY.

Totally disorganized.  No musical leadership.  No arrangements. 

After a lifetime (forty plus (40+) years) as a real player, leader, session musician, and arranger, I know what I'm talking about. 

If you have any doubts, go watch my videos and listen to my mp3s.

 

If they "rehearsed" at all, I feel sure Richard "ran rehearsals".  He had to be IN CONTROL - just like 1968-1969

 

The video proves Richard is not mentally capable of putting music together.  He doesn't have musical knowledge, arrangement creativity, or ability.

He'd do better trying to drive a lawnmower across the Pacific Ocean.

 

How they could wreck a song like "Mustang Sally" is beyond comprehension. 

Typically, it should be a very funky song.  But not with this COMEDY "band".

 

My name for them is U&TT .... that's Unskilled & Timeless Tuneless(It's a takeoff on I&TT.) 

Whatever they are, they're not real players. 


I almost feel sorry for the "drummer".  He has two arms.  I believe if he only had ONE arm, he'd still overplay.


The "guitar player" can't even play in key - and he LAUGHS while he's fucking up

The very last thing he needs is a guitar in his hands.  Somebody should have given him a shovel, or a broom, or something.  


The horns aren't worth listening to, but they pretty much mind their business.

That ends when the "trumpet player" has some convulsions on the floor, and does his "afternoon aerobics" moves.

If the trombone player gets away from the Inguis fast enough, he could be a real player one day.


The "keyboard player" has a fake Hammond (an XB-2, which is a synthesizer), no Leslies, and a Korg synthesizer. 

I wouldn't own either one if somebody paid me $100.00 just to take them away.

Why expect anything different?  The "keyboard player" isn't a real player either. 


The exception is the bass player, who is pretty much "on" almost all the time. 

With all that bullshit "music" happening around him, I've got to give him some credit.


Maybe "the band" could paint houses or do occasional landscaping.  They'd get a lot dirtier, but they'd get more accomplished.

   

If anybody actually paid for for the COMEDY "entertainment", somebody was Goddamn robbed.

Camden, NJ made a mistake.  They should have had Richard paint the "stage/trailer".

 

The video speaks for itself - watch it and see.   

Personally, I couldn't do it.  I couldn't force myself to play in a "band" like that. 

The COMEDY video proves a point: the Inguis should have quit - back in 1969.

 

I think the Inguis are both ready for wheelchairs. (see below)

 

"We didn't get rich, even in the height of it," Charlie says of the glory days. "We didn't pay attention to the money. We were young, we trusted people, we figured it would be there for us at the end."
 

It wasn't. To get their money, they eventually ended up in U.S. District Court, where on Dec. 21 the group was awarded $51,164 in royalties from Collectables Inc. of Ardmore, which owns the rights to masters of the group's old records.

 

I wonder how much of that money ended up in the Ingui's pockets after all the collection and legal costs.

 

(The Inguis also have legal action pending against a group on the West Coast that has been performing under the name the Soul Survivors.)

 

The Inguis never bothered LEGALLY REGISTERING the name - THEY DON'T OWN ITAbout 40 groups use it.

According to Richard (in 2003), they still had "legal action pending" over the name.

Anyone can register a copyright, patent, or trademark online.  It costs about $99.00 to have a professional service DO IT ALL FOR you.  Seriously - go research it. 

 

[some original text deleted]

 

"We were white guys doing R&B music, and not too many guys could do that," says Charlie.

 

That is a BULLSHIT GODDAMN FAIRYTALE

 

Charlie - I am calling you a GODDAMN LIAR.

You can run your dishonest bullshit on a newspaper reporter, because he just doesn't know better.

I KNOW BETTER.

In the 1960s, there were UNLIMITED white groups doing R&B music, and doing it to death.

For several years, I played in groups that could run the Soul Survivors into the dirt - visually, vocally, AND musically.

Newport, Revere, Hartford, Chicago, New York City - and especially Boston's "Combat Zone" - was overflowing with incredible white R&B bands.  

 

One of THE BEST was Roger Pace, in Boston. (click the link)

Roger, with a fairly small group, only about 5, maybe 6, pieces - stunned us.  If you stood outside, on Washington Street, you would SWEAR TO GOD IN HEAVEN that the James Brown Revue was playing inside the Intermission Lounge.  This is straight, gospel truth.  James Brown acknowledged Roger Pace himself - and THAT'S a well-known fact.

Our groups were playing right across the street at Jerome's or at the Downtown.  Most of us used to go listen to Roger - IN AWE - and we didn't even give a damn if we got back onstage late, paid a little fine, or had to work an extra 45 minutes.

 

It would have been worth $2,000.00 - OUT OF MY OWN POCKET, to see the 1967 Soul Survivors

AT THEIR BEST - with a #3 AND #4 record on Billboard charts

TRY to take the stage after Roger Pace

 

They would have been LAUGHED RIGHT OUT OF BOSTON

You think Richard and Charlie could DREAM of competing with Wayne Cochran?   

Watch the video and see for yourself.  Wayne was born in 1939This is NOT a young man in his 20s.

In the above video, Wayne is way, way past his prime - and he's in a video studio with a fake, "sit down" studio audience. 

It went on YouTube in March, 2009, but who knows when it was actually recorded?

 

Here's another video - Wayne is LIVE in a CLUB in Las Vegas.  This one went on YouTube in March, 2011. 

Watch - look at the whole band, and watch Wayne, too.

Every move, every note - EVERYTHING - is totally, professionally organized, arranged, and choreographed

Wayne wouldn't have it any other way.  The magic words are "professional", "organized", and "businessman". 

You can believe Wayne Cochran was professional, organized, and a businessman.

He was signed to big record labels - Chess, King, and Epic, but never had a chart record.  With HIS show, he didn't even need one. 

 

I have no idea when these videos were recorded - but I DO know this is a much older Wayne Cochran than I ever saw.  

 

Back in the 1960s-early 1970s, I used to go listen to him.  His "home bases" were The Castaways, and The Barn, in Miami.

One of his biggest fans was Jackie Gleason.  I met him several times at Wayne's shows in Miami.  Jackie even did the liner notes on one of Wayne's albums.

 

Our groups (not the Soul Survivors) frequently played one of Wayne's other "home base" clubs in Calumet City, IL. - just outside of Chicago. 

Wayne also played The Sugar Shack in Boston every few months.  Every place he played was PACKED.   

I saw him plenty of times.  He had a monster band, with a Hammond player, no female backgrounds, and occasionally, an electric piano. 

I don't recall any less than five or six horns - sometimes NINE!  I recall TWO drummers sometimes, too. 

Wayne could damn near compete with Ike Turner or James Brown.

 

[some original text deleted]


Suddenly the Soul Survivors were touring with Cream, the Strawberry Alarm Clock, Buffalo Springfield and the Beach Boys.

 

I believe the author is either mistaken, or was intentionally misled by the Inguis. 

There's a difference between TOURING WITH and PLAYING ON THE SAME SHOW.

The Soul Survivors played ONE - possibly TWO - shows with Janis Joplin .... were they ON TOUR together? 

When I worked with the Soul Survivors, we played on the same shows with plenty of HIT RECORD, NAME BANDS, but we weren't TOURING TOGETHER.

Ike and Tina TOURED with the Rolling Stones. 

1966 U.K. tour: 23 shows.  1969 U.S. tour: 28 shows.

Several weeks, probably over a month, of constant shows together, all across both countries. 

I&TT were the opening act.  The Stones were the headliners.   

[some original text deleted]

[more original text deleted]


The band worked steadily through 1969,

 

No - I don't think that's factual.  They did work through late May, 1969, when I walked out and went to STAX Records. 

I called Breakout Management several times, from Memphis, regarding MY musical equipment - ALL of which was in THEIR possession. (and I never saw ANY of it ever again)

Phil and Audrey told me they were having big problems finding a Hammond organ player to replace me.

(I changed the subject every time they "suggested" I come back to New York, and work with the Soul Survivors.) 

 

but psychedelic music and hard rock were pushing bands like the Soul Survivors aside.

 

I disagree with this.

I DO agree that hard rock and psychedelic music were on the rise, but there was still plenty of R&B market available. 

I also believe we could have worked for several more years - but we had a major problem. 

His name was Richard. 

 

Frustrated by the failure of their debut album - due in part to poor promotion, they believe - they changed record labels.

 

No - I don't think they "changed record labels". 

I think what really happened, but I'm NOT an eyewitness to this, is ATCO (Atlantic) DUMPED the Soul Survivors. 

I think Richard's mouth caused it.

 

Then they lost their record deal entirely.

 

I'm pretty sure ATCO WAS the "record deal" referred to.  I believe the author is either mistaken, or was intentionally misled by the Inguis.

 

Except for shows, Richard should have been gagged, and kept in a soundproof cage - with his "yes man puppet", Charlie. 

Are things like that illegal?  If so, there should be some exceptions. 

 

They also split with their manager.

 

I'm pretty sure Breakout Management - Phil and Audrey - DUMPED the Soul Survivors.  Again, I'm NOT an eyewitness. 

I think what actually happened was Richard's mouth caused it. 


By 1970, things were looking terminal for the Soul Survivors, who had retreated to the bar scene.

 

They started really "going terminal" the day Richard sucker punched me in a hotel in Philadelphia, in December, 1968(read it - and you can decide)

 

I walked out in May, 1969, and arrived at STAX Records in Memphis the next morning.

I started recording at STAX the following day, and was hired (on a weekly staff salary plus session pay) almost instantly.

(Within a few months, I was earning more than three times (3x) what I made with the Soul Survivors - and I was just getting started.)

 

Occasionally, I called one or two of the Soul Survivors.  I heard plenty of stories, and I believed those stories. 

I ONLY believed because they were exact repeats of facts and experiences I'd already had. 

I never went near any of them again, since May, 1969.

 

By 1970, I was going UP in the music world.

Constant recording sessions.

Staff keyboard player at STAX Records.

Main keyboard player at Fame in Memphis, occasional sessions at Fame, Muscle Shoals, frequent sessions at most other Memphis studios.

Some producing.  A lot of arranging.

Learning how to engineer from the best in the business.

Co-writing with some of the best R&B writers in the world. 

Recording, engineering, and live shows with Ike and Tina.

I was living my dreams.  MY fantasies were every-day realities.

  

Richard dragged the rest of them DOWN .... right back into the bars and dumps.

Please stop for a minute .... THINK about this:

 

Why do I BELIEVE that ALL the BUSINESS PROBLEMS were ENTIRELY caused by Richard Ingui? 

During my 13-14 months with them, RICHARD NEVER SHUT HIS PSYCHO FUCKING MOUTH

NO self-control, and less SENSE than a dead battery

He never stopped CREATING CONFLICT

 

The logical answer is simple ....

 

KENNY DIDN'T CAUSE ANY BUSINESS PROBLEMS 

MANAGEMENT DIDN'T CAUSE ANY BUSINESS PROBLEMS - THEY WERE TRYING TO MAKE A PROFIT FROM THE GROUP

CHARLIE WASN'T MENTALLY CAPABLE OF CAUSING ANY BUSINESS PROBLEMS - HE WAS RICHARD'S "YES MAN PUPPET"

THE ROADIES DIDN'T CAUSE ANY BUSINESS PROBLEMS - THEY LIVED ON POT AND WRECKED EQUIPMENT

THE MUSICIANS DAMN SURE DIDN'T CAUSE ANY BUSINESS PROBLEMS - THEY JUST PLAYED WAY TOO BUSY AND SMOKED WAY TOO MUCH POT

SO WHO CAUSED ALL THE BUSINESS PROBLEMS?

 

[some original text deleted]


"The three of us (Charlie, Richie and Kenny) looked at each other and we just knew. Somebody said, You had enough? I said, Yeah, I've had enough. And Richie said he had too."
 

I believed this in 1968, and I'll ALWAYS believe it

 

If Kenny Jeremiah was in charge, the group would have made unquestionable progress in the music business.

In my opinion, Kenny, and ONLY Kenny, should have been the LEADER of the group, and the PUBLIC SPOKESMAN.

I really believe everything would have worked out 100% better for everyone.

Kenny - totally unlike psycho Richard - had leader qualities.

He was calm, logical, and intelligent enough to think things over.

Kenny was capable of a civilized discussion - anyone could reason sensibly with Kenny.

Richard only knew about arguing, abuse, threats, screaming, and dissention.

That's what he was born for.  That was his purpose in life: create conflict.

Richard didn't have any social skills. 

Kenny had more than enough for everyone.    

 

That night, the Soul Survivors packed it in.

 

I believe their continuous problems can be reduced to just two words: RICHARD'S MOUTH.

[some original text deleted]

 

Keyboardist Paul Venturini (he was gone in early 1968) runs two restaurants in North Jersey, drummer Joe Forgione (he was gone in early 1968, and passed away in 2003) runs an auto body shop in New York and Jeremiah is in an Atlantic City band called Full House.

 

Kenny, to the best of my knowledge, has never stopped singing.  I doubt he's ever been "a house painter" or "an occasional landscaper".

His diplomatic personality has provided him with a living - a GOOD living - from music - that the Inguis can't even dream about.  

 

The Inguis aren't sure about the others.

 

That's no surprise.  When you treat people like shit, they stay far away from you. 

Richard GODDAMN SURE knew I was working at STAX, and playing/recording/engineering with Ike and Tina. 
 

[some original text deleted]

[more original text deleted]


A lawyer they knew, Spencer Wertheimer, put them in touch with Butch Ingram, president of Society Hill Records. Ingram gave them a listen and in September signed them to a five-year record deal.

 

Five years?  What happened with that "record deal"?


Even if the new single doesn't take off,

 

It didn't.  Everything they've recorded since "Expressway" (1967) has sunk without a trace.  They're LOSERS.

 

[some original text deleted]

 

END of my rebuttal/comment to Mr. Logan's 1991 newspaper article.

Time For Parody And Sarcasm

  I think a change is long overdue. 

The article is from 1991, the video is from 1999, and they've got problems.   

The Inguis are playing around with buckets of Goddamn paint, brushes and rollers - fucking with dirt, shovels, and yard tools.

How much "soul music" is in a can of paint?  How much "soul music" can you dig up out of somebody's yard?

They're OFF the expressway.  They gotta get ON the expressway.  They need to GET ROLLING.

I think I know how they can do it.

 

These super-power wheelchairs are state of the art.  After some racing modifications, they've been clocked at over 180 mph

Charlie could get one color, Richard could get another.  Or they could get matching color schemes, and really look like a "group".

Lots of accessories are available: long-life power batteries, windshields, drink holders, food trays, headrests, flat-free racing tires - and that's only the beginning.

I bet they could have custom embroidery done on the backs .... "The No Survivors" .... or maybe "The Old Survivors" .... so they'd be recognized nationwide!

Throw in some custom electronics work, and they could have stereo equipment - including a PA system - built right in.

They could even get SUBWOOFERS, and everyone could hear them coming a mile away.  They could take their "music" "on the road again"!

Just imagine them .... cruising down the breakdown lane on Interstate 95 at 90 mph, on their way to the next "show" - safety lights flashing .... and arriving early.

That would leave plenty of time for volunteers to set up ramps, so they could be winched onto the stage. 

Then they could charge their batteries - that's a really important detail.  Dead batteries are very serious

But Charlie would have a little problem: no more of this "falling down on his knees" shit, or he'd be flopping around like a fish out of water.

Unless they had some real custom work done, weather could present a little problem.  What happens in a hurricane?  What about 16" of snow, or 20 below zero cold?

Don't start making jokes like "The Drowned Survivors" or "The Frozen Solid Survivors" - I've already heard them.

With enough creative thinking - and enough batteries - almost any problem could be solved.

But I saved the worst for last.  I don't think these chairs can be built with PORTA-POTTIES.  Charlie and Richard would really have an issue with that.  They could plan "rest stops" long in advance, and hope they could make it in time.   

Actually, for their own safety, I'd suggest Interstate rest stops only - there are armed security guards at them.  Once they got off the highway, they'd be in some real danger of getting mugged and robbed, tossed out of their chairs, or sucker punched.        

Surviving the Soul Survivors

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